Life at my speed

Life is different here, inside my head. The random, and odd way I choose to live. It isn't for everyone, and I know that.

I get up in the morning, drink my first cup of coffee, let the dogs out. I let the ducks out, and talk to them---generally to tell the girls that they need to lay me some eggs. I go inside, drink some more coffee, and get my kids up.

If it is a school day, one or the other of the boys will head off to school, or I will drive them off. Making lunches, making sure proper morning rituals are taken care of (teeth brushed? homework done? etc etc). On a summer morning, they get to sleep in.

Later in the morning, I head outside and take the ducks some grain. Watch them run up to me and eat from my hands. Then I hunt up some eggs, it's like an Easter Egg hunt every morning. Where did they hide them today? I know the "normal" hiding places, but they always find new ones.

More coffee. Start some laundry, do some dishes. Head to the library. Perhaps do some crafts (I make jewelery to sell). After school and in the afternoon, the boys have appointments, therapy, doctors, sports. Seems like I am gone from the house most nights.

It is the MOMENTS in the days that I cherish. The ducks running up to me to eat grain from my hands. Seeing a dragonfly on a leaf near the pond. Feeling the warmth of the sun on the deck. Moments of peace. Moments in the now.

My children are getting older. Their minds are busy and they don't want to talk to mom anymore. It is rarer and rarer that they open up and talk to me. Which is normal, they are becoming independent and growing into their own person. I am needed by them, but mostly as a meal provider, laundry do-er, and driver. It doesn't feel very "mom" like.

So I look to other things to find moments of peace and fulfillment. Transitioning slowly to a new time and phase in life. It is coming. It may still be a few years off, but they are growing away from me, and soon enough, this "mom" phase will be done.